


Doubt

by keep_me_alone



Series: Moral Lessons [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Emotions, Hurt No Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 16:18:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6477259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keep_me_alone/pseuds/keep_me_alone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anakin struggles with his school work and Obi-Wan deals with the aftermath of Anakin's upbringing on Tatooine</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doubt

Obi-Wan sighed softly, feeling his patience wear ever thinner.

“No Anakin, it’s pronounced _bantha._ The ‘t’ and ‘h’ sound like ‘ _th’_ when they’re together, do you see?” Anakin nodded tightly, his face colouring. Obi-Wan struggled to connect with their Force link. Of all his studies, Anakin had quickly excelled at Force manipulation. His shielding was almost flawless. Obi-Wan withdrew. “Try the next sentence please.” Anakin’s face scrunched in concentration.

“The yellow ursa- urusa-,” his face was growing gradually redder as he struggled. A wave of disappointment touched him through their training bond.

“Anakin, maybe we should take a break,” Obi-Wan suggested gently. The last straw. Anakin burst into tears and leapt off the couch. “Anakin!”

“I d-don’t… need a… break,” he sobbed. Obi-Wan was bewildered. The boy was on the upper edge of nine standard. This kind of behaviour was typical of a _much_ younger child. He stood and slowly moved towards Anakin. Obi-Wan reached for his shoulder and Anakin ducked his head, shoulders coming up, holding his breath. When the expected blow didn’t immediately follow, he glanced up, accidentally meeting Obi-Wan’s horrified look.

“Anakin, I-,” he watched helplessly as his Padawan pushed past him, running from the room. The silence was deafening. The maelstrom of emotion that had flooded the Force around his Padawan ebbed away with distance.

Obi-Wan shouted the foulest Huttese curse he could think of. He yanked his hand through his hair and turned to start tea. He would give Anakin exactly a half hour to calm himself before he tracked him down. 

**

Anakin was damnably difficult to find. He’d shut himself off from their training bond completely, his Force signature almost entirely muted. Obi-Wan scowled. It was another box to check on their ever growing list of things to talk about.

When he did finally find Anakin, it was in the Temple’s largest meditation garden. He was hiding in a tree. The scene tugged his heartstrings. Qui-Gon had often taken him to meditate here, insisting it was the Temple’s best place to communicate with the Living Force. He wondered if his master had climbed the trees in his youth, then shook the unhelpful thought and it’s pang of melancholy away.

Obi-Wan looked up at his apprentice. Anakin’s face was still tear-streaked and puffy.

“Please come down from there, Anakin.” Kriff, climbing trees, he hoped Anakin hadn’t been seen by any other Knights or, stars forbid, Masters.

“I don’t want to,” Anakin called back sulkily.

“That was _not_ a request, Padawan,” he put on his best ‘stern master’ face, praying it would work.

It did. Anakin slowly released his grip on the tree and swung down, landing heavily in front of Obi-Wan. They adopted an easy meditative posture beneath the tree and Obi-Wan allowed himself to look at Anakin with concern, knowing the boy had difficulty reading emotions on blank Jedi faces.

“I am sorry I frightened you earlier, Anakin,” he remarked softly.

“I wasn’t scared,” Anakin replied tersely, flushing deeply. Obi-Wan suspected him of lying, but let it pass.

“Even so, it is not the Jedi way to touch another without serious provocation. To strike a child would be… unthinkable,” he grimaced.

“Yes, master,” Anakin picked absently at the grass.

“Anakin,” with implied warning. His Padawan looked up, surprised. “The grass is a living thing. Do not senselessly destroy it.”

“Sorry, master.”  Obi-Wan sighed.

“Focus,” he paused for a long moment, listening to soft river flow. “The Temple does not employ physical punishment, Anakin. I want you to understand that.”

“I do, master.” Anakin still wouldn’t meet his eyes. Obi-Wan felt the first stirrings of anxiety. Anakin likely didn’t believe him, but he didn’t know what else there was to say.

“Now why don’t you tell me what’s been bothering you?” Anakin played with the hem of his shirt.

“Are you going to send me back?” He blurted suddenly, looking up for the first time.

“What?” Obi-Wan’s mouth fell half open. “Anakin, no. I would never-,” how long had Anakin been worried about this?

“It’s just I know you don’t want me and Qui-Gon was supposed to teach me and now you’re stuck with me and I can’t read or fight with a saber or do any of the things I’m supposed to do and I know I’m not learning fast enough, but I’m really, really trying, I promise,” his voice was high and wavering. “I _promise_ I’ll do better,” he whispered, tears spilling down his cheeks. An artificial breeze stirred the trees. Soft, pink blossoms drifted down around them.

“Anakin Skywalker, you _are_ a Jedi Padawan now. It takes much more than unsatisfactory academic status to remove a Padawan from the Temple. I won’t let that happen. I swore I would do everything in my power to see you become a Knight and I meant that. No one is sending you back to Tatooine. Not ever.” No wonder he’d been having difficulty, with that kind of threat hanging over him, even if it was only imagined.

Gratefulness shone in Anakin’s blue eyes. Obi-Wan stood slowly and brushed the petals from his shoulders. “Come now, I believe the mess should still be open for dinner. We’ll talk about emotional displays after I’ve had something to eat.” Anakin clambered to his feet and before Obi-Wan could react, had leapt to hug him. Obi-Wan froze, conflicting emotions welling up.

The Knight in him whispered that this was emotion, attachment, that it must be discouraged. But there was something else too, insistent and unrelenting and it felt like long nights around a fire, like the first steps of Ataru, like meditating on distant worlds with the sun on upturned faces. It felt like the Force and it felt like destiny.

But the Knight was louder. He lightly touched Anakin’s hair, tapped his shoulder.

“Come along Padawan,” he gently peeled Anakin off of him. “I get very cranky if I’m not fed regularly, you know.” He smiled distantly. Anakin felt a stab of disappointment. He didn’t know why, but it felt like a loss, something he’d never had slipping irrevocably through his fingers, just as it’d become tangible. Obi-Wan failed to see his Padawan’s stricken expression, only heard the obedient ‘yes master’ as his Padawan followed him out. 


End file.
